Another year is gone. Blah Blah Blah.
I find it hard to get into all of this New Year stuff. It appears to be some bizarre combination of nostalgia and optimism for the future.
Nothing has change significantly since last week. A New Year, perhaps, but mostly just another day.
But I guess I can’t avoid it it completely. 2008 sucked. There were a few good points, Obama got elected and the Ravens re-invented themselves with John Harbaugh and Joe Flacco. But those things don’t really affect my day to day life.
Work has been and continues to be hellish for me. The economy sucks and as much as I avoid all of the fatalism I see other express about it, I feel it.
I need a change. A big one. I know this, and I know generally what I want to do.
But if there is one thing I suck at… it’s the job hunt. I’m a person that has a lot to say, but when it is time to compose a cover letter or worse yet speak to a prospective employer. I freeze. I can’t get the thoughts out of my head and make them part of the conversation. When I do manage to write a woefully lacking excuse of an email, I walk way feeling like I’ve been punched.
None of this matters, I guess, I just know that I need to do something, anything. I can’t keep going on like this. It’s killing me. Little by little. But killing me all the same.
I hate sounding so negative. And maybe I should be like everyone else and think of 2009 as a blank slate on which I can make a fresh start. But it doesn’t feel like that to me. It feels like just another day.
Tomorrow I go back to work. Not that I haven’t worked plenty over the so-called break. I can’t express the loathing and apprehension that I feel knowing that whatever I do or say will be disregarded or ignored by my so called peers. And that my boss will likely be too tied up in whatever it is that demands her attention to give a shit about what I do.
Blah.
I’m tired just thinking about it.
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